The Weight of Change

Ashley Kirby shares her physical and emotional journey of weight loss
By Phoebe Warren

photo by shane darby.

In the United States, weight dominates conversation and culture. Diets, wellness trends, and fitness regimens drive a multi-billion–dollar industry, and media often promotes an unattainable standard. Social media intensifies the pressure, and high weight is often treated as a moral failing rather than a complex issue with systemic and biological roots.

Ashley Kirby knows the toll that living in a larger body can take. For her, a turning point came at the fair with her young daughter, Adelyn. “I’ll never forget the moment that made my mind up,” she said. “We were at the fair, and my Adi wanted to ride a ride. She didn’t care about mama’s size. All she knew was she didn’t want anyone but her mother to ride with her. Of course, we had her dad, or even other kids that could hop on, but I’ll never get that chance back. I sat on the sideline and watched someone else take that memory. I decided then it would not happen again.” 

Ashley’s daily life was difficult. Getting off the couch required help, and playing tag lasted only a few steps. Beyond the physical struggles, she constantly felt diminished. “It was always, ‘You’re pretty—for a big girl.’ I could never just be pretty,” she said. That pain led to bouts of depression and guilt as a mother.

Ashley tried diets, workouts, and even appetite suppressants without success. She eventually decided on gastric bypass surgery. Her husband, Tyrone, fully supported her. A small circle of family and friends rallied behind her, too. But insurance denied coverage, so she researched clinics abroad and chose a facility in Tijuana, Mexico.

To qualify, Ashley had to lose weight. She began exercising with short walks and then joined a local nutrition and fitness group. Unlike her experiences in traditional gyms where she had felt judged, this group gave her encouragement. She steadily increased her efforts until she shed the required pounds.

The week before surgery, she followed a strict liquid diet. Ashley admitted to one slip. “I called it my ‘food funeral,’” she said. “I ordered from multiple places and then realized I had an unhealthy relationship with food. That’s where I drew the line.”

Ashley snapped this photo just 48 hours after her surgery. submitted photo.

In February 2020, Ashley boarded the plane to Mexico and underwent gastric bypass surgery. Recovery was grueling. Gas pains made walking—already difficult—necessary. She also feared failure; when she learned that a “surgery sister” had regained the weight she had lost, Ashley worried about her own success. But Ashley pressed forward, adjusting her eating habits and continuing exercise. “I ate the same things, just way smaller portions,” she said. Soon she was completing full workouts. The pounds dropped—over 200 in total.

Ashley worked out at the Health Nut, now closed. submitted photo.

But massive weight loss brought a new challenge: loose skin. “I had so much extra skin on my stomach that I would get rashes. They hurt so bad. I just wanted relief,” she said. Insurance again refused coverage, so Ashley again sought help abroad.

She found Dr. Australia Baez, a plastic surgeon in the Dominican Republic, who recommended a tummy tuck and Brazilian butt lift to remove more than 15 pounds of skin and reshape her body. Recovery was agonizing, but the results stunned her. “I didn’t believe it when I looked in the mirror,” she said. “It was me: Ashley.”

Ashley awaiting skin-removal surgery. submitted photo.

The new body came with complicated emotions. Compliments felt bittersweet. “It confirmed the pretty girl was there all along, waiting to be acknowledged for something other than her weight,” Ashley said. She also developed body dysmorphia, obsessively watching the scale. “I still sometimes see that girl crying on the couch because it was hard to get up.”

Ashley jokes that, if she ever becomes a millionaire, she’ll remove the rest of her loose skin. For now, she is learning to accept her body. “One day I’ll wear shorts, even if everyone can see the saggy skin on my legs,” she declared.

Ashley was able to fit her entire body into one leg of her old pants. submitted photo.

What keeps her grounded are the moments she longed for from the start. “I finally got to ride that ride with my baby girl,” Ashley said. “I can play outside, swing, and go down a slide. I’m thankful to do things I never could before.”

Ashley achieved her dream of going on rides with her daughter. submitted photo.

Ashley avoids focusing on weight in front of Adelyn.“She just knows mama can ride the rides, run to the car, and do more stuff with her,” Ashley said.

She also stresses that a person’s appearance or body image should not define their self-worth. “You are enough as you are. You are exactly who God made you to be. Your self-worth is based on who you are and what you do,” she said. To others facing weight struggles, her advice is simple: “Start small. Take a walk outside. Don’t feel like it has to happen overnight. Give yourself grace.”